Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Umbrella Etiquette

Okay New Yorkers... here's the thing. When it's raining and wet and we're all cranky and miserable because the sun will not come out tomorrow... we need to at the very least learn the proper way to deal with our umbrellas when we're walking through the crowded streets of the city. Tourists... this might be a good lesson for you as well.

First of all... all you people with those oversized umbrellas that could seriously cover 10 people at once... your selfishness is not going unnoticed... to put it mildly... you suck. You take up the entire sidewalk with your umbrellas making everyone around you figure out how they're gonna maneuver they're own just to walk by you while you whale it up down the street. Are you dry? Yes. Have you managed to piss off everyone around you? Um... yes. You have. Way to go. Maybe... get a smaller umbrella so you don't upset people who are already unhappy about the fact that it's raining on them as they walk to work because there aren't any cabs available. ... It's just a thought...

Now here's my pet peeve. Tall people... you need to lift up your umbrellas because honestly... I can't lift mine over your 6'5 body. I know it's more comfortable to hold it closer to your body... but in all seriousness it's not easy for me to raise my arm as high as it can go while squeezing through those jerks with the Shamu umbrellas. So please... try and be aware of us shorter folks and I guess... be a little more courteous. Short people... get with the program. Stop lifting your umbrella over the 6'5 people and I think we'll all learn to get along. Oh... and the other thing. If we could walk around on rainy days like we're driving on the streets rather than making it a cluster of people going every direction.... I don't know... I think it would make life easy all around... don't you?

That's it. Thank you for attending H-less' How To Use Your Umbrella 101 lecture. Now go outside, try to stay dry, and be nice to each other.

Class dismissed.

No comments: