Monday, May 16, 2011

No One Is Alone

One of the good things about having a broken heart is that you’re never really alone. There are plenty of people walking around hurt every day because someone dumped them, chose someone else, didn’t want anything serious or quite possibly the worst excuse of them all… they said that it was them and not you. If you’re reading this and asking yourself if I’m broken hearted I should tell you no. This actually doesn’t have too much to do with me but a friend of mine who was very recently dumped by a girl he loved. I feel his pain. We all feel his pain because we’ve all been there and for as weird as that is I like to think there’s some comfort in that for him. Relationships are hard. Harder even still can be getting over them. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’ve been single for entirely too long. I’d be the first to admit that it hasn’t been an easy choice… but it has been my choice and on my worst of the worst days where I’m feeling completely lonely and wanting what I once had, I question why I’m doing it. The answer. Because I’m holding out for the real thing. I refuse to date just to date. It’s simply never been my style. I don’t like the thought of stringing someone along. So I’m waiting for my “someone” who will make all these lonely days worth it. He’ll confirm that all my days spent in self-refection, making me the woman I am today, will only have bettered me as a human being. Enough about me though. Back to my friend.

Giving him advice as to how to handle this recent blow to his heart has been trying. All the normal things of course are said. “You’ll be fine, there’s a reason for it all, you’re not alone, try to just live in the moment and move on, etc…” all of it… it doesn’t seem adequate. Nothing I can say seems enough to sooth his aching heart. The thing is though, he will be fine because that’s the type of person he is. Eventually it’ll become a blurb in his life where he looks back at what he had and realizes that it wasn’t for him because he’s with the person he’s truly meant to be with at the moment this part of his life becomes a blurb… a glitch even. Everyone knows that your relationships only get better. You have one relationship that you think is the best thing you’ve ever experienced, it ends and the next best thing comes around and you’re astounded at how much better it is than the last. It’s the way love seems to work. I’m not just speaking about my personal experience, I’m speaking of my close friends’ experiences and what I’ve seen happen and progress in their own love lives.

Bottom line. It’s all about perspective. His perspective right now is hurt and pain and nothing more. Mine has been ever changing… sometimes so lonely I can’t breath and others so incredibly grateful for the life I’ve been given, for the love of my friends and my family, that I can’t stop smiling. Perspective, however has been a hard lesson for me to learn. The things I want most in my life… marriage to my partner (whoever he may be), children, financial success all while maintaining my humanitarian ways… they’ll come eventually when the time is right. I just hope that the people who do have those things appreciate it as much as I know I would. I only say this because every day I see families on the subway, angry, yelling at their kids who only want their affection and attention, choosing to listen to their iPods rather than spend time with the beautiful children… children I’m sure I would give my own life to conceive. These people they have everything I’ve ever wanted and yet… they’re angry and for what?

My advice to my good friend… open your eyes and your heart… look at what you have and be grateful. Take off the blinders that inhibit you from seeing these things because life is way too short to focus on pain and hurt. Love will happen. It always does. It’s just a matter of time and I promise you… when it does happen you’ll be “flying high”. Peace and powers, friend.


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