Oh to be brave...

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be brave. How sometimes in the moments that we're brave we don't even realize it's what we're doing. Making the decision to move to NY was probably the bravest thing I've ever done. I uprooted myself from my entire family, my friends, and at the time what was an amazing relationship. That was brave. But there are so many other moments of bravery that fly by like light breezes... here one second and gone the next. Being brave enough to walk past the projects every day for work or even brave enough to give your number to that random guy who made you smile all night... it seems to me that this type of bravery, the bravery that lies in the every day choices that we make is the type that molds, guides, and informs our lives.

Why have I been thinking about bravery, you ask? Good question. I'm not sure. Most likely because I feel that the choices I'm making in my life right now in this very moment will dictate the course of my future. I'm not just talking career but also relationships... being single in NY is not easy and to be honest I feel like the only people who say that are the ones who aren't looking for something serious. Of course it'd be easy if all I wanted was a fling... there's eye candy every where! Alas... that's not what I want... never really has been. Even friendships... it's difficult to figure out who to trust... and trust takes major bravery.

If I were to take a step back from my life right now... I'd look at what was going on and wonder if I'm being brave enough. Am i? Probably not. I'm sure there are choices that I've failed to make or things I've said no to where perhaps I should've just gone for it. It's no good to look at the past though... the things that could've been are long gone and what's left is the road before us... the road that leads hopefully down a path towards success (which is a completely different blog... suffice it to say that success always seems to change as perspective does). No longer do I wish to take the easy road or even the easy way out... but I want to climb like hell to reach the top of the mountain... I want to fight for the things I believe in... the things I've always held dear to my heart; my family, the safety and education of all young people... love. I just hope in the great scheme of things that dad is up there brewing up an amazing concoction of a wonderful future for me...

From this moment on... no more regrets. I'll speak my heart... I'll take big risks... even if I look like a fool doing it which knowing me and my tendency towards sillyness it's an inevitability. I'll be brave. I guess the question now is... will you be brave?

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, “It might have been”."
JGW

Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork...

As it's the end of the school year my room is inevitably full of paper work. What better day to go through it all then today... a day where for the first time in the past 4 years I've lived here we're under a tornado warning. I think it's pretty safe to say I'm not going outside.

Going through paper work always leaves me with a nostalgic feeling. To see the journey of where we began to now through sign in sheets and lesson plans each of them barring their own significant memories. Times like when my middle schoolers spent entire clubs practicing for a performance only to have it cancelled because of a snow storm. Days catered to getting that one boy who never participated (but always showed up) to be an active member of club. Apparently, the key there was to bring in lots of stage combat... who would have thought fake fighting was the way to his heart. Clubs spent discussing violence in neighborhoods, bullying, suicide and sex with energetic teenage girls whose opinions were very strong and shockingly diverse. Rounding out the year with such an eclectic array of lessons and time spent with these young people definitely makes it perfectly understandable as to why I'm a bit tired. No need to fret there... my much anticipated vacation is mere 5 weeks away!

While going through the mountain of papers in my room I came across a poem written by one of my teenagers. At the time, I remember being so touched by her words and how they closely relate to the reasons behind the work I do, that I asked her to give me a copy. Hidden in between sign in sheets I found it once again and I feel it's so beautiful and thought provoking that it's worth sharing with the blog world. And by blog world I basically mean my family because I have no doubt that they're the only ones reading this. :-)

It's title is "In The Eyes of a Lost Child" and although I don't feel safe leaving the name of the young lady who wrote it... in order to give her credit I've simply put her initials below the work. Certainly, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do and maybe it'll inspire you in the same ways it inspires me.

IN THE EYES OF A LOST CHILD

Looking from the eyes of a lost child

Who needs warmth and wisdom to guide them

What do they do?

Hardships and struggles are on their mind

No love, no family, no memories are placed in sight

They're lost

In a world that is hard to cope with

But they're strong

They keep taking the beatings of life

No dreams, no hopes, no future

Where am I? one would say

Where am I going? another would say

Every day they wake up not knowing

If they'll make it to another day

It's either the hunger will kill them,

The loneliness,

Or the burning passion of hate growing inside them

Can't cry anymore?

All their tears have dried

Can't they save themselves?

Who knows?

Can you?

Of course you can

But will you?

Now that's up to you

But always remember...

To try to look through the eyes of a lost child...

ZBO

A Dedication

It's so hard to believe that it's been almost two years since I've posted a blog...

...Two years... a LOT has happened in that amount of time. Two years filled with happiness and heartache alike, two years filled with laughter and tears, two years filled with life and death. It comes as no surprise to me that this week is the week I decide to write once more... and what a week it's been. This week has proven to me that I made the right choice when I decided to stay in NYC. This week has given me hope that the path I've taken is leading me in the direction of change that I've aspired to make in the world; to help change the world one kid at a time knowing that if their worlds are changed it will contribute to them taking the steps necessary in changing the worlds of those around them creating a beautiful domino effect of change. Because change is a choice I teach them that choices + actions = consequences (thank you Augusto Boal).

My jobs consist of working with an array kids some who are unprivileged, homeless or who come from the foster care system. These kids have seen it all, heard it all, and nothing phases them. So when I first set off to teach this particular group I worked with, I honestly had no idea what to expect. Will they like me? Will I be able to relate to them? What can I possibly teach them? These are the questions that fluttered in my mind as I walked past the street filled with Albanian mafia members standing next to their Mercedes Benz' and Lexus'. These questions remained unanswered as I continued past the housing projects that are just one block away from the school. It's the first time in a long time that I was truly acutely aware of my whiteness.

As the weeks went on, I learned more and more about these amazing girls who decided to join my club. They were strong, resilient, and although they confessed that they thought I was weird at first they continued to come back week after week, club after club. Now we're at the end of our road, and I could not be sadder about it. I keep wondering if I did enough. If there was something else I could've done to make sure that my message of seeing life through a positive lens sunk in.

This very last week of club my girls told me that I made a positive impact on their lives. Me of all people! I couldn't really believe it only because in the beginning I was so unsure of how I would even get along with these kids! Some of them were crying so of course I had to do everything I could to not cry and they continued to tell me that they really appreciated how I would take whatever problem they were facing and give it a positive spin, find a way in which it was something that was good for them, making it an experience to learn from. It was incredibly moving.

These girls taught me that the roughest neighborhoods house some of the most beautiful souls I've met, that although they're tough exterior may proceed them it doesn't make up who they are and that the work I'm doing is valuable and appreciated. These girls also taught me how teenagers' opinions on important topics such as sex education in schools or violence in schools can be varied and valuable. I had never really had such conversations with teenagers before this group came into my life so I was surprised when their opinions didn't match up and how just by listening to each other they opened their eyes to different points of view.

Girls, if your reading this... I am so honored and touched that you allowed me into your lives, opened up your hearts, and shared your thoughts and opinions with me. I will undoubtedly miss you to pieces and will constantly be sending you every ounce of good vibes I have. You deserve amazing lives and through perseverance, dedication, and love you're bound to have them! Keep your chins up during times of struggle and heartache and remember that YOU are special and if at the time you don't feel special know that you'll ALWAYS be special to me!

"Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties."

PS-The picture at the top of the blog is of a poster that was made during club today together with the art club. The art club painted the Leadership logo and the girls colored and wrote in the papers that say "leadership has taught me". Good times!

Why so serious?

Over the weekend I saw The Dark Knight.  Actually, I went to a 12:30 am showing at IMAX.  Suffice it to say that I am still in awe over Heath Ledgers performance as the Joker.  Honestly, I was afraid that the critics had hyped it up too much and because of his death they made it to be more than what it is.  But my goodness... it was extraordinary!  To fully inhabit such a dark character as he did, well it's sad to say, but I'm not surprised that he overdosed... even if it was accidental.  

I wish I had more to say about this... but there are no words... and sometimes that's the greatest compliment one could give.  

Age is just a number

Working sure has kept me busy... but never fear... I will always come back to blog world to talk about the great, the ridiculous, and the absurd.  

Recently, I've come to the conclusion that the age 29 does not exist.  I realize how crazy that sounds... but think about it...

When you're 29 and someone says... "hey, how old are you?" and you said with confidence "I'm 29", the response that inevitably follows is "ohh... so you're almost 30 huh?".  

Almost 30.  I've been almost 30 for almost a year now.  Why can't people be happy with 29?  It's a simple number.  Even adding the 2 and 9 together isn't hard.  But for some odd reason no one can grasp that 29 actually exists... it's doomed to always be known as "almost 30".  

Although I've learned to embrace my almost 30-ness... I feel as though I've lost a year of my life by not being referred to as 29.  

So kiddies... for the future... when you encounter someone whose almost 30... perhaps it would be best if you broke tradition and referred to them as what they  really are... 29... the very last year that they get to say they're in their 20's.  Which is sad and exciting all at the same time. :-)  

Love Your Monkey

First and foremost, my humblest apologies for not blogging sooner.  I actually got a job.  OK... not really.  I got 3 jobs!  Amazing right?  I would go into what I'm doing for a living these days... but it would take too long to describe.  Suffice to say I'm a happy chicklette right now.  

So I've been holding on to this story for a bit only because I needed some time to digest it.  I knew however, that I needed to share it with you all.  Since I have no life, I was home during the week and found myself watching this bizarre Primetime program on stories of the absurd.  This particular little nugget was about people who adopt monkeys and treat them as babies.  Now don't get me wrong.  I love me some monkeys!  Honestly.  I'm like a man when I see a monkey on TV in the way that I get so tranfixed that only the monkey and I exist in the world and nothing could distract me from my "monkey and me moment".  However, treating these amazing little finger sniffing animals like babies was way to bizarre for me.  

One of the couples were people whose children had grown up and moved out.  They missed the pitter patter of little feet but didn't want to try and survive those teenage years again.  And who could blame them for that... I was a total bitch as a teenager.  Hence why they didn't adopt a real baby like normal people.  So they got a monkey.  Their day consists of bathing, feeding, and changing her dirty diapers and clothes.  Yes, they put her in human clothing.  At the very least you could get a puppy and dress it up... but wait... that's right... puppies get old and become dependent.  This monkey sleeps in the bed with them at night as well.  

By the way, in order to keep her and to make sure that she doesn't hurt them, they took out her teeth.  How inhumane is that?!  

Alright... so I spent a few days thinking about this right?  And I've come to the conclusion that the only reason possible for an older couple to want to spend the rest of their life cleaning up after another fully dependent "child" for its life is because they are terrified of facing each other and their marriage.  They want the distraction.  They've been dealing with their children for so long that they don't know how to deal with each other... or have sex for that matter.  Because there's no way they're gonna have sex in front of their "baby" that shares the bed with them!  The only thing they think they have in common is raising children.  Which isn't true because why would you get married in the first place?

Yes... people change.  I get that.  But I think when you become an empty nester it's the perfect time for you to have fun and explore your marriage.  Get to know your partner... even if it's all over again.  There has to be some fun in that!  I guess I just don't understand why two people who are FINALLY alone with each other would want to avoid this amazing time in your life and corrupt it with cleaning up poopy diapers again... from a MONKEY!  

Obviously, I'm of the opinion that adopting a monkey as a surrogate child is wrong.  They're way more complex than dogs or cats and should just be left in the wild where they belong.  However, maybe you'll change your mind once you read the article I've attached.  I'd be interested to hear others opinions about this one.  Although, I can't fathom there being a good argument for this crazy monkey business.  

Monkey Article 

Forgotten "Bits of the Bizarre"

I have no idea how I forgot to put this in!  Perhaps my old age is getting to me... that or my ADD distracted me... who knows!  BUT... there is a woman in America who thought it would be a wonderful idea to have a life-size wedding cake version of her, in her wedding dress, for all her family and friends to enjoy.  ... Classy!  

Our debutant cake is dressed just like the bride with all sorts of icing and on the inside?  Vanilla.  This is needless to say every girls dream come true.  Thanks for getting the ball rolling for the rest of us!  

Cake O' Elegance

If anything... it certainly adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "eat me"!